Rufff, you humanoids are certainly puzzling. You make things so difficult. You don’t want terrorist panty bombers or any other terrorist bombers on airlines. So, you make EVERYONE miserable, having to check into airlines 3-4 hours early, hold their hands in view and not able to leave their seats for the last hour of the flight, etc. rather than profiling. What is so sacred about not profiling?
Profiling is how you recognize your mate when she comes in rather than having to smell her extensively each time she enters the den, for Snoopy’s sake!
“Hey, that’s not fair!” you PC nuts say. Give me a dog biscuit! If we dogs are trying to stop canines from eating the pups in our den, we keep wolves out. It’s that simple. You think we should check out every third dog coming in even though the 3rd dog is a poodle while the 2nd and 5th dogs are wolves that we let enter in the name of “fairness”? You humans, sadly, are neither rational nor humane.
When I am President, I will deal with all of this by having finely ground pork fragments inserted into sealed bags (we don’t want to unnecessarily offend the religious sensitivities of anyone innocent of murderous intent), and then place these sealed bags inside every airline seat, luggage compartment, magazine pocket, etc. That way, any Muslim terrorist who blows up the plane will blow pork fragments onto himself as he dies, causing him to lose out on the 70 virgins. “Thwart terrorist dorks with pork!” That has a nice campaign ring to it, don’t you think?
—Jack M. Pinscher for President—