Let me get this straight. We’re going to be gifted with a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn’t read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president who also hasn’t read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that’s broke. What the hell could possibly go wrong?
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The New American Dream
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This one is important. It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 300 million people. We don’t want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send on.
Please keep it going!
To show your support for Obama’s health care reform, please go to the end of the list and add your name
1. Nancy Pelosi
2.
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Dr. Timothy McCarthy while receiving a medical award for creativity, reported his findings to the Fellows of plastic surgery, concluding with this case study: “Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman’s hair and the horse’s ass. I was able to put them together and now she’s Speaker of the House.”
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Dialed a number and got the following recording: “I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes.”
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Aspire to inspire before you expire.
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My wife and I had words, But I didn’t get to use mine.
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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
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The irony of life is that, by the time You’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.
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God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
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I was always taught to respect my elders, But it keeps getting harder to find one.
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Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
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Nominated as the best short joke this year…A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. “Mom” he asked, “are these my brains?” “Not yet,” she replied.
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Little Billie started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 A.M. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his Electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA),designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new Electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), he sat down with his Calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY), filled it with gas (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search For a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging And fruitless day Checking his Computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ),Billie decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), Poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in AMERICA.
NOW HE’S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA)
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U.S. Navy releases Al Qaeda Terrorist
I can’t believe it!!!
The U.S. Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Qaeda terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while being held
prisoner abouard a U.S. aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea.
In a humanitarian gesture, the terrorist was given $50 and a white 1962 Ford Fairlane upon being released from custody.
The photo below shows the terrorist on his way home just after being released by the Navy.
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The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!
Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
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SOMEBODY’S RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT! One Nation, ‘Under God.’
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That’s my point. We can’t see God because he isn’t there. Possibly he just doesn’t exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!
FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT’ II CORINTHIANS 5:7
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Dogs Just Know
You ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ’sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the sea-shore, at breakneck speed?
Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire? Somehow they always know when they can ‘go for a ride’ before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I’m a firm believer that animals – and especially dogs – have keen insights into the Truth. And you can’t tell me that dogs can’t sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance…Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn’t right… when impending doom is upon us … They’ll always try to warn us…!!
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A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… Again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.” The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?” Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.” The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?” With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”
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